The four-lettered word

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Love. I don’t know how important that is, but one thing I do know; the feeling of being loved means more than words can say. By the lady on the subway who sends you a carefully put smile, or the grey haired man behind the counter of Marks and Spencer. The being in love and being loved often gets together hand in hand, but it also most often don’t. One of the hardest things in life is knowing whether you are in love, or in the feeling of being in love. Sometimes you want a boyfriend so bad that the love for a relationship with the handsome guy you never thought you would be good enough for, takes over for the love you think you have for this guy. You’re not in love with him, you’re in love in the thought of a descent relationship with someone you thought was out of your league.

LOVE. It’s probably the most used word in the English language. So simple, yet full of meaning. So short, but the letters tell us a thousand different things. I’ve never said ‘I love you’ to anyone. Well, beside my parents, sisters and friends. And probably random hook-ups when I was a bit too drunk and should have gone home a long time ago. Three simple words that can mean the world to a person to hear. I know it would for me. For anyone who has watched The Carrie Diaries, you remember how she waits for the perfect moment to tell Sebastian that she loves him. Actually, she waits so long that their relationship falls apart because of it. I’ve always wanted to be Carrie. In her New York apartment, having her very own column and a job in Vogue. Not to forget her clothes and shoes. But watching Carrie while growing up in Connecticut, I do for the first time recognize myself in her. I sometimes wait ta long time to tell people how much I really like them, and then suddenly one day it’s too late.

Love has never been on my side when it comes to relationships. Actually I’ve never been in a proper one. Maybe I’m just too picky when it comes to choosing a man, or maybe I just don’t go well along with the four-lettered word that we all either see with romance or with fear. I guess I often see it the latter way because that’s the easiest. Who doesn’t want the easy way out?

Love. A word of many meanings. A word of many feelings. A word that has the power to scare the shit out of a person, but also make us feel alive.

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